Untitled future bestselling novel - an excerpt

It was the best of times; it was liverwurst.

"I love liverwurst."

Cassie yearned to save Earth from itself. She'd given the matter serious thought and concluded that everyone had to have more babies. "If you wanna have more babies, eat more liverwurst, that's what it says in the bible. Liverwurst renovates the womb and transforms it into the lord's virile fortress." With an artist's total absorption, she lovingly swirled the pungent canned meat spread onto a cellophane saltine wrapper.

"Liverwurst will be an important element in the salivation of mankind, mark my words."

Zook shook his head and tried again to remember how he'd hooked up with Cassie, but recollection was elusive. Not so elusive was his utter loathing of liverwurst. "Liverwurst just ain't decent," he muttered, while his stomach growled indecently.

Cassie was delicately licking her prized treat off the cellophane. She heard Zook's hunger pangs and eyed him chastisingly. "You sure you don't want any?"

Zook hesitated. It was liverwurst or famine. "Alright, give me some. But if it's not too big a deal, can I have it on a cracker instead of the wrapper?"

"You know I can't do that." Cassie viewed saltines as precious Eucharists, and the wagon was full of them, stuffed into every available nook and cranny. She would take every fifth cracker and crumble it into a plaid lavender thermos. When it got full, she would wait for a breezy day and then scatter the crumbs to the wind. "We're spreading the body of the lord into the breath of the unforgiving," she'd tell Zook, who would just nod along, not really understanding. "The bible says do unto others as you would unto a cracker, ashes to ashes, crumb to crumb."

Zook watched resignedly as she massaged the spread onto the saltine wrapper. He looked up, looked around. All about him was horizon. Once upon a time he'd yearned to save Earth from itself, and had been convinced the secret lay just beyond the breadth of his vision.

"Here you go!" exclaimed Cassie, beaming with pride. Zook carefully took hold of the cellophane delicacy, chuckled to himself, and tossed the entire mess into his mouth and began chewing furiously.

"DAMMIT ZOOK! You know I HATE that!" Cassie leaned over and began to playfully beat him about his large head. Zook arose quickly and took a step back from her. He looked down at her and smiled. She smiled back.